Kyleigh’s 4th grade class is studying magnets in science, and since Mrs. Weisz is so good at combining studies, she incorporated the study of magnets into their week’s Language Arts and art promects by having the kids write a poem about magnets. Here is Kyleigh’s clever poem:
Magnet Mystery
Some things stick to me
And some things don’t
Paper clips do
But papers don’t
What can I be?
Can you guess?
Did you say, “magnet”?
Yes, yes, yes!
————————————-
Well kudos to Fairbanks Memorial Hospital for finally adapting their billing process to the modern ages.
I got an itemized bill in my PO Box for Kody’s appendectomy — an all-inclusive bill for everything from room and board fees to sterile supplies. I’m so glad I am not getting ten bills from ten different departments. I’m also so very glad we have health insurance.
If you don’t think American health care needs overhaul, imagine receiving the following bill and having no health insurance. How would you pay for all of this with NO health care? It’s baffling to me.
Room/Board Pediatrics/Emergency : $5,758.05
Pharmacy : $2,565.82
Drugs Incident To Radiology : $268.25
IV Solutions : $182.36
Medical Surgical Supplies (aka, Band Aids) : $83.30
Non Sterile Supplies (bed sheets??) : $10.55
Sterile Supplies : $231.15
Laboratory : $1,090.05
CT Scan : $1,601.50
Operating Room Services : $3,978.27
Anesthesia : $484.47
Emergency Room : $1082.05
Recovery Room : $957.60
Total Charges : $18,293.42
Kyleigh (poised on the couch with the Wii controller in hand): Josh, you know I could kick you from where I’m sitting.
Me (up to ears in invoice organization; eyebrow rasies; looks at Kyleigh inquisitively): What did you just say?
Kyleigh (glancing at Josh contemptuously): I mean to say, I could reach you with my foot from where I’m sitting.
Joshua’s official 7th Birthday shindig was last night. Here are some highlights:
*The Salinases throw the longest birthday parties in history. But everyone gets horse rides, dinner, and all kinds of other goodies. Like Bailey’s in their coffee.
*Only in Alaska do you wear a wool scarf and gladiator sandals in August. Only in Alaska are kids hard core enough to have water balloon fights in 50 degree weather.
*Joshua opened his new Zhu Zhu pet — his gift from Kody — and proclaimed, “IN YO FACE, MAMASITA!” He has wanted a new zhu zhu pet since forever, and apparently he was thrilled that all the time he asked for one, it was his older brother who came through. Of course, he negates to acknowledge that the money for that new Zhu Zhu pet came from my checking account, but that is neither here nor there.
*Speaking of Zhu Zhu pets, I need to mention the warning label: “Keep away from hair” Things that make you go, “hmmmmm”.
*Thanks to a few of my very imaginative friends, I will never view water balloons or frozen egg rolls the same. Ever.
*I’ve been getting pegged in the head with whistling Nerf bullets all morning. Nick and Amy Young, who are expecting their first baby in January, will pay dearly for this upon their baby’s first birthday. I’m buying her a xylophone and a piano and some percussion instruments.
*Kody and his Brat Pack crew trapsed around the yard like a bunch of teenagers last night. It was good to see him feeling so well, but seeing the four of these kids in their current pre-teen stage was really eye-opening. They are certainly growing up fast.
*Kyleigh is the present-wrapping queen.
*And finally, and most importantly, Joshua had a blast. He rode the horse, ate mass amounts of junk and candy and cake and ice cream, pegged me in the ass with a water balloon (something I do believe he was looking forward to), got lots of presents and plenty of time with his bestie, Griffin.
This is my favorite photo from the party. It was taken at the end of the night. Josh climbed into my lap in his new police officer uniform, and I was explaining to him that he was the funniest, cutest, coolest 7 year-old on the planet. And I meant every word.
*You will sit on your living room sofa in excruciating pain for an entire weekend while your parents assume you have the flu.
*You will not complain too terribly much about your chronic pain, because you are gangster.
*You will visit the clinic on Monday, ride with your dad as he rushes you and your high white blood cell count to Fairbanks Memorial Hospital ER, drink a ton of nasty dye, have a scan, and be in surgery less than an hour after the scan.
*You will be minus one ruptured, infected appendix. Obviously.
*Your mom will get to ride in a beautiful fast car at about 140 mph with an ex-trooper who knows where it’s at. Who also shall remain nameless. 
She will make it to FMH in record time and be there to greet you when you wake in an anesthesia-induced stupor.
*You’ll have the hottest, sweetest nurses named Stephanie, and Robin, and Sue, and Pat. You will charm them with your wit and humor. (Side note: You are such a rock star.)
*The only time you will become visibly upset is when you begin your usual wise-cracks the day following your surgery, and you realize that laughing — your favorite past-time — causes you a great deal of pain. It will be a sad moment for everyone in the room when you make that discovery.
*You’ll get the good drugs. Then you will laugh about random, unexplainable things, like your hospital lunch of boiled okra (which, in your vicodin-induced state, you lovingly name “Oprah”). But the laughing won’t hurt. And the laugh is so gregarious that it will make your mom crack up, and then the both of you will die laughing for almost half an hour.
*You will revel in the knowledge that, for the first time since you were a newborn, your gastro-intestinal activity is of great interest to those around you. You will rush to push the little red nurse-call button every time you fart.
*You’ll get a new DSI. And the new Zelda game. And two new Bakugans. And a new zip-up hoodie that looks very good on you.
*Your mom will worry that when your siblings spy all your loot, they will be reduced to throwing themselves down the stairs, or punching each other in the gut, in order to receive the same level of accomodation.
*Your dad will deliver stern instructions to your siblings to NOT partake in any of the abovementioned activities.
*You will spend five days on your grammy’s couch, inundated with her health food and your mom’s fussing. She bugs you with stuff like brushing your emo hair, changing your bandages, making you take meds, and boring you with pass n’ play Words With Friends games.
*You’ll make your brother and sisters feel so much better by reassuring them over the phone that you are okay.
*You will have to explain to your 7 year-old brother that, no, the doctor did not save your appendix in a jar; no, you did not get to see it after the surgery; and no, you don’t understand why they would not save your appendix for those who may be curious to see it; and yes, you are sorry for the disappointment this lack of consideration on the part of the doctor has caused Joshua so much emotional turmoil.
*Your family and friends will rally around you because you are awesome. Funny, gregarious, extremely intelligent, considerate, and wonderful; with a ridiculously high pain tolerance. They will all worry about and fuss over you, because you are a bringer of laughter and fun, and nobody wants you going anywhere anytime soon.
Today is Joshua’s 7th birthday.
He spent about thirty minutes inquiring about Kody’s appendix last night. What is it, where is it, did I get to see it. Is it in a jar? Why not? Why didn’t the surgeon preserve it for those who may be interested in seeing it?
He does stuff like harness himself to trees using his dad’s tow strap; make rolled construciton paper wedding bands to propose to his girfriends with; wear the same socks for three days; and act out Clash of the Titans scenes with such vigor that he breaks stuff.
He also does stuff like wish everyone a good night — including the pets — with ginger hugs and genuine words of love; sympathize for his siblings when they are in pain; adore his father; and is the King of the Random Hilarious Commentary.
To Joshua, our true testament to the saying, “Big things come in small packages”: Happy, Happy 7th Birthday, buddy. We love you.
*Who ate all the tops off the Frosted Mini Wheats? This is NO coincidence!
*Please take my bra out of your mouth.
*Why did you eat all the basil?
*Don’t forget to unscrew the light bulbs before you kiss them good night.
*Honey, I can’t right now. I have to clean cheese out of the carpet.
*”Mother fucker” is a really bad word, Chloe.
*Oh, no, I don’t think we have any of those kind of batteries (as I hid the batteries on top of the fridge).
*Get the batteries out of your mouth.
*It smells like propane in here.
*Don’t play with the knobs on the stove.
*Bleach water solution is for MOPPING!
*Who put my earrings in the DVD player?
Last night after the twins went to bed, Kody, Kyleigh, and Joshua put on a live “dinner” show for us. Set up in Joshua’s room with his bed as the “stage”, there were paper mugs and a paper coffee canister, paper salt and pepper dispensers, even a paper creamer canister; coffee filter plates and a cardboard menu. A bath towel acted as our tablecloth.
Kyleigh sang her own acapella version of “Viva la Vida” and put on an impressive mime show, with the final act being breaking out of her mime box with explosive vigor and landing on the floor with a thud. Joshua break-danced to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”; his signature move being the worm, taught to him by his older brother. Kody played “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” on his guitar. Self-taught and with a twist! He was bent over his guitar, his left foot resting on his right knee, looking so grown up. He had a captive parent and sibling audience; and if we’d had one, he would have enjoyed a swooning pre-teen girl audience, especially now that he has Justin Bieber hair.
When it was all said and done, they presented to us a bill for $14.50 for our coffee, Oreo cake, and french fries (creatively formed out of cut-up shoe laces). I was pretty impressed with their attempts to hustle us, but I must say, the performance was at least worth an extra ice cream cookie sandwich for dessert.
About ten minutes ago, I was on my way to bed. Having just put the final touches on my research paper, I was turning out lights, collecting random clothing items from the floor, and putting dishes in the sink. On the dining room table, I found a letter written in pencil from Kyleigh:
Dear Mom,
You are nice and pretty, lovly and kind, unable to say no, and, allwas low temperd (well, almost allwas.) You are allwas there when I criy, and you love chocklet. Even know you have thees day care kids you still have time for me. And I love you! Your hair smels good.
Love,
Kyleigh
Pee S
Happy Mothers Day
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…I think my day was officially made at 12:47 a.m. Thank you, sweet Kyleigh, for your kindness and your beautiful, lovely, wonderful sense of humor. I adore you.
Love, Love, Love,
Mom
Pee S
You’re awesome.
*Since the twins have made the transition from cribs to beds, Hannah has taken on a peculiar sleeping habit; in that she doesn’t sleep in her bed. She sleeps under it. Each and every night, she crawls into that tiny space, pillow and blanket in tow. I don’t know.
*After his breakfast of Honey Nut Cheerios this morning, Kody left the bag open on the counter. When I told him to put it away, he informed me that Hannah (are you noticing a commonality between Hannah and destruction yet?) had demolished the box. “Be creative” was the instruction I gave him. A few hours later, I opened the cabinet to dish out some Goldfish crackers. I was greeted with the bag of Honey Nut Cheerios, completely covered in duct tape.
*Since yesterday, we’ve been watching the cranes’ return for summer. They’ve been flying in formation over our town all weekend. Today, we witnessed eagles on the hunt. It was amazing; like a spectator sport. Two eagles, hunging as a pair, versus thousands cranes, swarming and falling out of formation, and regrouping as needed. One of the things I love about living in rural Alaska is the fact that we get to witness things like this, right from our front deck.
*The second thing I love most about living in rural Alaska is the sound of mountain wind disturbing old spruce. It is like a dull roar. No need for an ipod when on a brisk morning run. The sound is something a person should witness at least once in a lifetime.
*One of the things I don’t like about living in rural Alaska is the fact that there is no building code in this non-boroughed area. Meaning that you can install a well pipe that does not adhere properly, and it can give out on you two times in the course of one week. (Okay, so that could happen to anyone, but I had to make it fit here somehow.) And of course, on those days, your kids will do stuff like go outside and find a cranberry bush, then rub the berries all over themselves and run inside claiming a horrendous accident. Or, if they’re toddlers, they’ll choose the days-of-no-water to bathe themselves in peanut butter and chocolate syrup. I may or may not have allowed Bosley to administer his talents on that hot mess.
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