The Salinas Seven

Every day, I see new op-ed literature that calls for women to embrace their body types by shunning the shapes and sizes of women who don’t look like whatever shape is favored in whatever literature presented. I give you exhibit (a), the latest meme to be passed around the Facebooks:

At first glance, this appears to be a righteous demand for Hollywood to stop determining that, in order to be attractive, women should represent the women depicted in the top half of this image. Women that I know and love have been passing this around like a figurative joint, high on the fumes of empowerment.

Except what you’re doing when you perpetuate images and attitudes such as the one represented in this photograph is the exact opposite of what you think you’re doing, and here is why.

We discuss the detriments presented in teaching our girls to discriminate against other girls who aren’t America’s standard for pretty, fashionable, thin. We tell them that size discrimination is a form of bullying; we go to great lengths to make sure that our girls are not the targets of the girl-on-girl hatefest that breeds whenever body size is the topic of discussion.

Except, what the hell does Natalie Portman have to do with that mission? Or Kiersten Dunst, or Marilyn Monroe, for that matter?? Further to my point, what exact role do these women have in our own measures for conveying and projecting confidence?? What does favoring one of them simply for their body shape have to do with justifying our own body shapes?? Does focusing on the shape of one woman and labeling it “unhealthy” somehow bold the ideal that the body you live in is better, healthier, thus more entitled to attaching confidence and validation? The fact is, most of the women depicted in the top row of that meme have spoken out against body type discrimination themselves, as have the women in the bottom row.

You don’t fight fire with fire. You don’t end discrimination by discriminating. It will never, ever be possible to develop a healthy sense of confidence by putting down women who do not parallel your body size or shape.

To me, if the goal is building confidence, the path is self-validation. Once that happened for me, I didn’t allow Hollywood, or the women who think it’s okay to tell us that fat = disgusting, or the women who say that thin = eating disordered, onto my spectrum of what determines my own self worth. My self worth, my confidence, is determined by my own basis for the terms, and is fulfilled by the pursuit of a healthy lifestyle that includes a mostly healthy diet and rewards, regular exercise, and positive self-talk. The rest can go fuck itself. I don’t need to slam Hollywood’s ideals for the perfect figure in order to feel confident, and I don’t need to adopt the ideal that all women of a certain size suck more than I do.

To the women who perpetuate these images, ideals, and mindsets: I get it. I know what you are trying to say and that your intentions are honest and that you are not, in fact, an evil, angry woman-hating mine field of misery. You’re all good, loving, confident people. (Well, most of you.) I also formally request that before we speak, post, or comment, we think about what exactly we are saying about women who don’t look like us. I’m calling all women to really consider what these statements are doing to our own gender, and if it’s really necessary to adopt a negative connotation when we can defeat any discriminatory attitude we are forced to wade through as women simply by saying and believing, I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am healthy. The woman who can look at her reflection and say that with a smile? She is truly liberated, truly empowered, truly confident. And if you are unable to do that, then the problem is not Hollywood, and the fault is not with the people who judge you, shun you, or talk about you behind your back.

It starts with you.